I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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