'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
