My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
