im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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