I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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