Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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