what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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