just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
