I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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