Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize