I heard we made out
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
