Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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