A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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