1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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