I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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