There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
