No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
