i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
