If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
