I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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