I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
