So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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