respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
