also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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