Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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