dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
