I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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