I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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