You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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