I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
