i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Fuck appropriateness.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
