nut hugger
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
