proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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