I faked an abortion last night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
