another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
