im about as happy as oj after his trial
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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