I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
