Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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