i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
