Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
