she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
