think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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