I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
