I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
