yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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