it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
