When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
