if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
