pop tarts are not kleenex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
