I wish my penis had an off switch
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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