My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
