he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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