Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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