everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
