next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
