& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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