My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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