I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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